When ‘Just Joking’ Is No Joke: How to Respond When Students’ ‘Jokes’ are Biased or Offensive

1. Take a Moment or a Pause

Take a moment to think about how you want to address the comment or behavior. (You may also want to quickly check in with how you’re feeling about hearing this comment and make sure you are responding to convey care and communication. Remember: you can always ask a colleague for help or support). Questions to ask yourself: 

• Should I respond privately or publicly? 
  • This will, in part, be determined by whether harm has been caused to student(s) in your class and whether you need to prioritize their safety, well-being and protection.  
• What is my goal with this interaction? 
  • Your initial instinct may be to express discontent and convey that the offensive comment is unacceptable. Such a goal would require a quick response and then allow you move on. However, your ultimate goal is most likely to be to restore trust and safety to the classroom climate, encourage students to use words that are more focused on belonging and connecting, or impact the behavior of the student making the offensive comment and educate others in the class, a longer conversation is needed.  
• How much time do you have? 
  • Determine your goal and then consider your strategy. Your goal may be to (1) interrupt the biased comment, (2) express why the comment is biased or offensive, (3) educate and begin to help heal or (4) all of the above. Depending on how much time you have, you may decide to interrupt the biased comment and also find an appropriate time to address it more thoroughly in a later class period. 

2. Diagnose and Determine What is Happening

There are various scenarios in which students either (1) make a joke about something or (2) say something and when they don’t get the response they hoped for, say “just joking” afterwards. A few examples are:  

• They make a “joke” about someone’s identity and they don’t realize it’s biased or offensive. When the bias is pointed out to them, they say “just joking” as a defense or to cover up that they didn't know.  
• They wanted a laugh and didn’t think about the consequences.  
• They didn’t mean to cause harm and when they realized they did, they wrote it off as a joke. This is an example of why it’s important to prioritize impact over intent.  
• They meant it as good humor to connect with someone or a group of people.  
• They are joking “among friends” about their own identity group and didn’t know others were overhearing and didn’t realize the impact that can have those outside their identity group.  
• They intended to put down or embarrass the person to whom they directed the so-called joke.  
• You may not always know what’s going on beneath the surface. Trying to determine that by asking questions can help figure out the best path forward. Also, if you don’t know what is happening, you could ask the student for clarification (see below).

3. Respond and Engage

First, prioritize the student(s) who were harmed by the interaction, and check in with them to see how they are doing. This is a good opportunity to ask them what support they are looking for too.

Then, you have an opportunity to create a teachable moment for the class, and provide an opportunity for learning and healing, you can respond in one of the following ways:  

• What to Say: Whether you decide to talk to the student privately or address the comment publicly, speak from your point of view.  
  • Use I-statements to express how you feel about hearing these kinds of comments, “That comment made me feel upset (or scared or worried),” “That comment felt offensive to (name of group),” “I feel uncomfortable (or distressed or unsafe) when I hear words like that,” “I am not okay with that kind of humor in language in my classroom (or school),” or “I feel a responsibility to address that comment, which felt harmful.”  
  • You can also share how the comment causes harm to you, others around you, or your school community. Because students may not know their comment is offensive, this is also an opportunity to share that information.  
• What to Ask: Often it is helpful to ask questions to help the person making the comment reflect on what they said and why. Be mindful not to ask these questions in an interrogative way or as a way to call students out—which may shut down the student and close communication. Instead, ask in a way to help the student genuinely self-reflect.  
  • Ask questions like, “What made you say that?” “In what ways do you see this as a joke?” “What does the joke mean?” "What was your goal in saying this?” “Did you intend to cause harm with this joke?” “Were you trying to connect with others by making a joke?” “How do you think this joke makes others feel?” “What effect do you think joking about this has on individuals or our school community?” “How do you think others may be impacted by this joke?”  
  • You can start with one question and see where that goes before asking another.  
• How to Engage: To engage not only the person making the comment but the whole class, try one of these strategies to make it a teachable moment for all.  
  • You can decide to learn more about the origins of the word/phrase and how it’s offensive or a slur.  
  • You can read or watch narratives about people in the targeted identity group to learn more. 
  • You can grapple with why people may use slurs or “jokes” about their own identity group and at the same time, can cause harm to the community in general because others not in that identity group may think they can also use it.  
  • You can create some classroom guidelines about what’s okay and not okay to joke about.